The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 14 May 2014

The Inability Of Tories To Lie Straight In Bed.

The Tories have come up with a cunning plan to win the next election. With the national debt now higher than at any other time in history, with food banks the only growth industry in the country, with bankers continuing their criminal careers and tax avoidance at an all-time high the Tories cannot tell the truth so they have no choice but to lie. They tell us that they have turned the economy around though few of us outside of the richest 1% have noticed any change. Unemployment figures are now lower than at any time in our history but this is entirely dependent of not counting those actually out of work and, instead, counting only those still able to claim benefits after a campaign of deliberately preventing as many as possible from doing so. Bankers, we are told, cannot be brought to heel because the industry is too internationalised even as George Osborne moves heaven and earth to prevent international action against them by the EU. Now we have the Chancellor telling us that his efforts to stop tax avoidance have "doubled" the tax receipts from big business despite the fact that this figure is based entirely on an accountancy practice that the rest of us would regard as pure fantasy. This is political fraud on a scale unprecedented in British history and is nothing less than an attempt to steal the next general election by a bunch of spivs whose only interest is lining their own pockets at our expense. Yet, despite this, Tory support continues to hover around the 30% mark made up by a mixture of fools, wishful thinkers and greedy opportunists. The fools are those who believe the completely unsupported claims of the Tories. The wishful thinkers are those who hope to catch a few crumbs from the Tory top table. The greedy opportunists are those who are prepared to destroy the country, socially, politically and economically, in the hope that they get can get their ill-gotten gains out of the country and into an offshore banks before the fools and wishful thinkers realise they've been duped.

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