The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday 18 February 2013

Is Iain Duncan Smith Too Good To Stack Shelves?

Iain Duncan Smith, a man who lied about his CV and has never done a real day's work in his life, has spent the day disparaging peasants with ideas above their station. He simply cannot understand why a young woman who has put herself into life-long debt to get a degree in geology doesn't want to stack shelves. After all Britain has done very well out of a class system that has wasted the talent of ordinary people for centuries hasn't it? IDS was actually making a serious point. There is, he was arguing, a class of people in this country who by birth are fitted for political greatness and he's one of them. He has a point. No one did more than him to keep the Tory party out of power for more than a decade and no one is working harder than him to make sure they remain unelectable in the future. For this alone he has my undying gratitude. But is IDS himself too good to stack shelves? Alas no - he's actually completely unqualified for the job since he lacks the integrity, intelligence or the work ethic necessary and is a dedicated scrounger of epic ability. A miserable excuse for a human being, he hides behind a facade of religious belief to indulge his vicious little fantasies and, as such, is a natural Tory. Undoubtedly, when he eventually leaves politics, he will be offered a leading role in some criminal organisation such as a bank and will continue his career as an overpaid lump of wood.

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