The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday 14 September 2012

Tory MP Goes Bananas.

In the great Tory tradition of stabbing their leaders in the back while sprouting complete twaddle, the Mid Worcestershire Conservative MP Peter Luff has declared that there is no demand for new housing and that, therefore, David Cameron's pledge to increase house building is a waste of time. Of course it rather depends on what he means by the word "housing." For him apparently any home worth less than £2 million is a hovel and, therefore, doesn't qualify as a "house." And, of course, anyone who cannot afford a home worth £2 million is merely a peasant and their need for a place to live does not constitute "demand." Thus, as Patrick Burns has pointed out on the BBC News website, Luff has left behind the ususal "not in my back yard" Tory outlook and embraced the new BANANA (build absolutely nothing anywhere near anything) outlook. We asked the recently sacked ex-minister why he's suddenly decided to attack the avowed policy of his own party; "Let me be clear from the outset - my sudden attack of anxiety for our sacrosanct green belt has nothing to do with being sacked by that swine Cameron. I have asked all my really wealthy pals and none of them expressed any desire to buy another country estate and, therefore, I can only conclude that there is no demand for new housing. Some of them have expressed an interest in acquiring slum housing to rent to the peasants at ridiculously high prices, but that sort of property is in run-down inner city areas so it doesn't concern me overmuch. There are plenty of garages and various garden sheds and outhouses that can be converted into slum housing for the peasants without having to touch the green fields of rural Britain. It is of vital importance that a no-build zone be maintained around my country estate and that the peasants be kept away from my orchards and grouse moors."

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