The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 22 September 2012

Nick Clegg Tries His Hand At Politics.

After two-and-a-half years of aimlessly wandering about the corridors of power Nick Clegg has had a brainwave - why not try his hand at politics? Having come to the conclusion that the only way to save his "career" as a "politician" is to actually be a politician, he's decided to come out fighting at the LibDem Party Conference. The first priority was to apologise to the students for getting them to vote for him by deception. Apology made, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry" - job done. The next thing on the agends is "get tough" on the rich who have been let off the hook as far as "austerity" is concerned. Make a statement about taxing the rich, sound tough - job done. Next, explain away the economic disaster visited on the country by allowing the Tories to substitute ideology for common sense reality. "We have avoided an economic catastrophe. We have steadied the ship. Now we must set it sailing." - job done. Finally persuade the party that he's the right man to lead them. "You've got no choice. Dump me and you can all wave goodbye to your seats as the electorate see that even you don't believe my lies. Anyway, we might conceivably get another hung parliament and we can then hitch a ride on Labour's coattails." - job done. It's like watching a man claiming to be a great artist sitting down in his studio and then painting by numbers.

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