The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 15 September 2012

Ashcroft Fires Warning Salvo.

Lord Ashcroft has taken time off from pretending to be an academic to tell David Cameron how to run the Tory party that he part owns. Describing the recent cabinet reshuffle as "mystifying" he criticised the Prime Minister for ditching ministers with real "concrete achievements" to their credit. He seems to be particularly incensed at the removal of Nick Gibb who, he says, improved "the way primary school children are taught to read." On the complete destruction of the economy, the assault on the weak and vulnerable and the privatisation of the NHS, Lord Ashcroft was strangely silent, as he warned that the reshuffle had "done nothing to improve the chances of a Tory majority at the next election." No kidding, Sherlock! Meanwhile the "Times" has quietly announced its conversion away from George Osborne's austerity programme declaring that "significant cuts into public spending that not only hurt vulnerable people but would take money out of the economy just as it was beginning to see fragile signs of growth." Funny, that's what Labour have been saying for two-and-a-half years now. The party itself is also becoming restive with rumours flying about of a possible coup against Cameron and his replacement by some other swivel-eyed nutter or crook such as Michael Gove, David (Back From The Dead) Davis or that eminently electectable village idiot, Boris Johnson. The Tory party seems to be rapidly morphing into the political equivalent of a Marx brothers film with Groucho, David Cameron, being upstaged by Harpo, Boris Johnson, complete with his "parp-parp" car horn.

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