Tories Wreck Higher Education Market.

Having realised their long-standing ambition to turn higher education in Britain into an export only business, the Tories have now also decided to wreck the entire enterprise in an act of sheer wonton vandalism. London Metropolitan University has had its license to recruit and teach foreign students from outside the EU revoked, threatening 2,000 students with deportation from the country. We asked Michael Gove, the closest thing to a genius in the Tory party, for his view; "The Tory party is very concerned with the universities in Britain - both of them. Unlike Oxford or Cambridge the London Metropolitan is actually nothing better than a jumped up polytechnic and not a real university at all. Red-brick universities such as Manchester and Birmingham were bad enough, offering, as they did, degrees for the middle-classes, but allowing polytechnics to become universities and offering degrees to the peasants was a great mistake. We have now rectified this huge error by making higher education largely unaffordable for working-class scum. Our vision, in the Tory party, is for the children of wealthy foreign aristocrats to come to Britain in order to be taught such valuable subjects as the Classics, Greats and Theology. We certainly do not support a bunch of foreign peasants and illegal immigrants coming over here to study such useless subjects as Engineering or Town Planning and other such "trendy" subjects. With our deep understanding of the inner workings of the market in higher education we have decided, therefore, to undermine customer confidence in it before it gets out of hand. As everyone knows, encouraging insecurity in the wider economy has worked wonders in this country and we fully intend that this principle will form the basis of our educational export drive."