The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday 10 June 2012

George Osbourne Lectures Europe.

George Osboure, whose budget proves beyond all doubt that he's as dim as a Toc-H lamp, has decided that the time is ripe for him to offer advice to the EU. Having wrecked the British economy and headed off recovery at the pass, his proud boast is that he's managed to turn Britain into a tax heaven to which the wealthy and irresponsible are sending their money by the boatload. "Lower corporate tax rates and other reforms to make Britain open for business are also sharpening our competitive edge," he writes in the Telegraph, without explaining why business continues in the doldrums. "I know from talking to British businesses that our country is bursting with entrepreneurial spirit and exciting investment plans that are being held back because of uncertainty about the future," he continues, without a trace of irony since it is his killing off of demand that makes the future so uncertain in the first place. Not to worry though because George has a popular if inaccurate explaination for his singular failure to revive British fortunes. Basically its all the fault of Europe which is doing all the wrong things such as reducing their deficits and shrinking their economies through austerity measures. If only they will do what George tells them instead of doing what George has been doing himself then everything would be all right. So there we have it - austerity in Britain good, austerity in Europe bad. The only question that remains is why does Osbourne believe this utter bilge? The answer, as always with the Tories, lies in their idea of what is fair. He believes that it is fair for other countries to ignore debt in favour of expansion to give a helping hand to Britain's exports (something he won't do himself). With low taxation for the rich, these exports would then fuel yet another round of increasing wealth for the few and nothing for the majority who will still suffer from shrinking services, high prices, the fewest employment rights in Europe and wages stuck somewhere in the 1970's. And, of course, with all this money sloshing about in the City of London, the banks will be back in charge again and its all back to the sunny uplands of inequality and privilege for the selfish and unscrupulous. There's nothing like being all in this together and this is nothing like being all in this together.

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