The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday 3 February 2012

Banker Wakes Up And Notices The Real World.


Reports have been coming all day that a leading banker, Josef Ackeramnn Chief Executive of the Deutsche Bank pictured above, has come out of his recent coma and noticed that the rest of the world does actually exist after all. Speaking to the BBC he has flagged up the possibility that ordinary people, pauperised by him and his mates, might object to him receiving millions in bonuses while they can't afford to pay their bills. "We have a social responsibility, because if this inequality increases in income distribution or wealth distribution we may have a social time bomb ticking and no-one wants to have that," he told the interviewer. We asked him to expand on his comments following his BBC interview; "I keep having a reoccuring nightmare in which I'm forced to choose between being hung from the nearest tree or living off state benefits and I can't make up my mind which would be worse. Meanwhile people keep asking me awkward questions such as, "Why have you only just noticed that inequality has gotten out of hand?" and "If you're so bloody clever how come you stood by and watched the whole world economy fall apart?" As for the time bomb I mentioned earlier I keep getting the awful feeling that we've already lit the fuse."

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