The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday 9 January 2012

Wealthy Are Still Buying.


As the rest of Britain's manufacturing sector languishes in the doldrums and most people struggle to simply pay the bills, sales of Rolls Royce cars has grown substantially. While much of this is due to an increase in demand from China and the Middle East, sales in Britain have also soared by 30% this year. In other words the wealthy remain largely untouched by the recession and, if anything, seem to be better off than ever before. We asked a Coalition spokesperson why this should be; "We should all rejoice that a great British brand, even if it is owned by the Krauts, is doing so well. While it is true that the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer this has little, if anything, to do with government policy. As the BBC are constantly pointing out to you thickos, we are only responsible for good things - bad things are either forced on us by world economic conditions, the fault of the previous Labour government or have nothing to do with us at all. Now, as for this specific gripe, its not our fault that rich people, being naturally superior and more deserving, are doing better than your run of the mill peasant. Poor people in this country have to realise that their sacrifice is important if people like me are to continue with our lifestyle of conspicuous consumption. They are the underserving poor - we are the deserving rich and that's that. Don't forget we all have the Olympics to look forward to - the peasants at home watching on their TV's, me and my pals watching from our boxes in the arena sipping champagne. This is how it should be in a modern democracy."

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