In the wake of their underhand tactics to keep their Welfare Reform Bill on track and punish the undeserving poor and disabled, David Cameron has decided to show his caring side by signaling a change of position on Child Benefit for higher earners. Saddened by the idea that families with only one parent earning more than £43,000 per year might lose out and that they might have to cancel their membership of the Champagne Drinker's Club, he has indicated that he's willing to consider a "tapering" of the benefit rater than a sudden cut off point. "I've received several letters," he told our reporter, "from at least three people threatening to cancel their donations to the Tory party and to vote for UKIP next time around if I don't do something for these rightly distressed gentlefolk. Moved by their tales of having to possibly cut down on their consumption of Marks and Spencer's wines and on the number of times they can afford to eat out I think its vital that we do something about it. We can now afford to do it because of the cuts were making to the money we give to the crippled children of the poor who don't vote Tory and are, therefore, safer targets. Since the vast majority of people in this country appear to be as selfish and stupid as we always thought they were, we'll probably get away with it. We feel that bribing the wealthy to continue voting for us is a vital ingredient in our reputation as the new caring Tory party."
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