The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday 22 January 2012

The NHS Bites Back.


Andrew Lansley's insane bid to privatise the NHS has run into yet more trouble after a Tory-led cross-party select committee trashed his "reforms" and pointed out that the proposed changes were wasting vast amounts of money and directly undermining front-line health services. As waiting lists have rocketed and real and effective improvements have been put on hold, Cameron and Lansley immediately hunkered down into damage-limitation mode. We asked Andrew Lansley for his point of view; "It is a well known fact that, despite all of the opposition from parliament, the doctors, the nurses and the public, that everyone agrees with me on this. What we are trying to do is to give people a real choice between paying for health care provided by a dodgy bunch of spivs from the US or dying in agony completely unattended in an underfunded hospital corridor. We are hoping to create an efficient system of expensive healthcare on one hand and squalid neglect on the other. People have to understand that this has been caused by the stubborn refusal of old people, after paying their national insurance all their lives, to lie down and die so that I can pay less tax. Having successfully destroyed social care and forcing many old people into hospitals because there's no where else for them to go, we must now complete our sacred task of hounding them out of there and into a premature grave. Once that has been achieved and the NHS is fully privatised we Tories can reduce our tax burden and turn our attention to revitalising the feudal system."

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