The Longest Gentleman's Club In The World.

While Cheryl Gillan, the welsh Secretary, sold her house in Amersham, which is 500 metres from the proposed route of the High Speed railway line, two months before the project was approved (by sheer coincidence), an engineering company has produced a report that shows conclusively that improving present services would be more cost effective. We asked a Coalition spokesman why the proposed HS2 line will be going ahead; "It's simple mathematics. There are 650 MP's most of whom have constituencies in the Midlands and the north or will find it easier to get to Birmingham rather than travelling directly to London. HS2 is a fantastic solution to this problem. Having made his or her way to Birmingham an MP will be able to relax in the VIP's lounge before boarding a luxury train which will whisk him of her to London in no time - all at taxpayer's expense and without rubbing shoulders with the rather grubby public who won't be able to afford a ticket. The equation is simple; MP's + Unlimited Access to Tax Payer's Money = An Exclusive Luxury Club With A Free Bar. Of course the bar won't actually be free for wealthy passengers who don't happen to be MP's, but for us it is since taxpayers pay for our G&T's, champagne and whatnot. The country will benefit because important people like us will be able to go about our business half sozzled without having the inconvenience of mixing with the lower classes. MP's will able to think great thoughts without being constantly distracted by the concerns of little people."