The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday 9 January 2012

Coalition Wastes Billions Through Incompetence.


The Coalition has managed to waste £31 billion on bad contracts, new schemes and useless computer systems in the last two years it has emerged today. The National Audit Office has drawn particular attention to the fact that high-ranking civil servants haven't got a clue about commercial transactions and that Ian Duncan Smith, in his vicious campaign against the unemployed, has paid private enterprise contractors millions to do very little as unemployment continues to soar and jobs become as rare as hen's teeth. We asked a Coalition spokesperson for an explaination; "We understand that many high-ranking civil servants, coming from the same background as government ministers, are utterly useless. However, they deserve the jobs they have because they come from privileged backgrounds and graduates from Oxford and Cambridge have to do something. As for Ian Duncan Smith - he's doing a fantastic job shovelling money out of the hands of the unemployed and into the hands of some of his corporate chums. I would also like to point out that, if it wasn't for the government, several computer companies would have been unable to offload a great deal of rubbish computer systems that no one else would touch with a barge pole. We are a river to our people and should, if there was any justice, be accorded charitable status for our work in supporting the deserving rich."

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