The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 25 January 2012

Coalition Helps RBS Chairman To Help Himself.




The Coalition government, despite all its protests, is actively helping the Chairman of RBS, Stephen Hester pictured above hunting poor people, to grab millions in bonuses. Only last week Nick Clegg was telling us that Hester was entitled to the bonuses because of a contract drawn up by the last government who "allowed the banks to get away with blue murder" and pleaded that "we are constrained by these contractural obligations." Mr.Hester's contract is now in the public domain and guess what? - his contract states that his bonus is entirely depndent on the renumeration committee. Better yet, the Government, as the largest shareholder in the bank, sits on the renumeration committee and has a veto over bonuses. When asked for an explaination Nick Clegg told reporters that he had never actually seen Mr.Hester's contract. We asked a government spokesperson for an explaination; "You have to realise that the Chairman's bonus is not our main consideration and that blackening the name of the previous Labour government is far more important. It's very difficult to tell a chap that he can't have his £1 million bonus when he asks you over brandy and cigars at the club, don't you know. This government certainly doesn't want the electorate to get the impression that banking executives have a cosy relationship with us - they do, but we don't want to give that impression."

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