The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 7 December 2011

Tory Triumph As Turkeys Vote For Christmas.


As British manufacturing output continues to plunge, councils warn of future redundancies and millions turn to payday loans in desperation, opinion polls suggest that Britain is even more Thatcherite than the 1980's. We asked our political editor for his view of this startling news; "Thatcher has actually succeeded in making Britain a more selfish and stupid country. After 30 years of an economic and social experiment that has delivered economic disaster and growing social inequality, British people now believe that anyone on benefits is a scrounger and that selfishness is the way forward. There are many causes for this - not least that education has reached such a low point in Britain that most people barely know how to think for themselves. How the British can look at the economic mess that Thatcherite policies have delivered and contemplate a future in which the NHS is privatised for the benefit of the rich is beyond me. But, then again, they were never very bright and will undoubtedly get what they deserve if they don't wake up and smell the coffee. Personally I'm emigrating to France where people still have enough common sense to defend themselves against these arseholes."

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