The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday 4 December 2011

Tories Succeed In Increasing Homelessness.


Homelessness has soared in Britain since the Tories seized power 18 months ago and is increasing at the staggering rate of 400 per day. Many of those made homeless by the new "caring" Tory party are vulnerable teenagers unable to get jobs and denied enough in benefits to maintain themselves. We asked David Cameron, author of this shameful policy, for his reaction; "I don't give a damn. These people probably don't vote Tory so are of no interest to me at all. To be honest those working people stupid enough to vote for my party don't ineterest me much either - except in making sure they continue to believe the crap we're handing them. I would say that an increase of 400 per day is a bit disappointing - Ian Duncan Smith promised me at least 600 a day by now. Still it's a start. Michael Gove is doing sterling work to make sure that the young are instilled with the belief that the recession is the fault of everyone except us and our mates in the city so we should be all right. I'm now toying with the idea of making Jeremy Clarkson a special advisor on industrial relations and ignoring the poor."

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