The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 3 December 2011

Tories Decide To Torture Cancer Victims.


The Tories have decided that cancer patients receiving chemotherapy will no longer automatically get benefits. Instead they will have to prove to a non-medical panel that they are too ill to work. We asked Ian Duncan Smith, Gaulieter of Chingford and Woodford Green, for his comments; "Now we Tories are on top we have decided to punish the weak and helpless with ever-increasing ferocity. People with serious diseases should not expect to be exempt. For those cancer patients who have foolishly voted Tory in the past I have one message - we're all in this together. It is a well known fact that all cancer patients are drug addicts or gambling addicts and that giving them money is a waste of public money. They're probably going to die anyway so they are of no use to the country and cannot be expected to vote Tory after they've died, so they're no use to me either."

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