The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 14 December 2011

A Perfect Storm.


As Britain braces itself for stormy weather this weekend, it is already being battered by a perfect political storm. While Nick Clegg has been dispatched to Europe to "pick up the pieces" by a panicky David Cameron who has no idea what his "veto" actually means, and the Tories have taken a lead in the polls because there's nothing the British like more than a spot of Johnnie Foreigner bashing (even if Johnnie Foreigner didn't even notice), Nick Clegg has warned his party that a general election now would see the end of the LibDems for a generation. We asked a Tory insider for his reaction; "Absolutely perfect. The teaboy has been despatched to the continent to pull our coals out of the fire and we've managed to persuade the hard of understanding at home that we've actually done something right. We've got the LibDems right where we want them - dependent on us - and managed to divert attention from all the vile things were doing to the great unwashed while getting them to applaud us for it! I love the British - they're so thick! With a lead over Labour of two points we now have the opportunity to do something really scummy - as if cutting money to disabled children and widows isn't scummy enough. Maybe we could institue a pogrom against mothers - or have we already done that?"

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