The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday 2 December 2011

Northern Rock Executive In Line For £500,000 Bonus.


Jim McConville the Finance Director of the bankrupt Northern Rock, pictured above looking fat and prosperous, is now in line to recieve half a million pounds in bonuses because of the bank's sale to Virgin Money. We asked Mr.McConville for his comments; "I deserve the money because I am utterly useless at my job and am unlikely to get a job working for any other bank. To maintain the lavish lifestyle I have come to enjoy I have no choice but to award myself this mere pittance now that I've got my hands, once again, on someone else's money. Such practices are normal within the banking industry where being competent is regarded as a positive handicap and the only qualification that is actually needed is unlimited greed. I would like to thank the Tory party for cutting such a shady deal and British taxpayers for being so stupid as to allow it."

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