The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 31 December 2011

NHS Told To Kick Out The Elderly.


Providing the Tories with an alibi, the King's Fund Thinktank has reported that NHS staff should seek to get elderly patients out of hospitals quicker because they are using up valuable resources. This is a particularly accute problem at this time of year as relatives seek to dump the elderly onto the NHS during the holiday period. There is a similar problem with the mentally disabled where alternative respite services have been savagely cut by the Tories. Essentially the thinktank is offering the Tory party the opportunity to shift the responsibility onto NHS staff. We asked Andrew Lansley, Minister for Selling the NHS, for his view; "It's not my fault that we've closed down so many alternative care organisations that the NHS is having to take up the slack. I blame the NHS for not anticipating vicious Tory policies and the elderly for refusing to die quietly. Having completely washed my hands of the entire thing like Pontius Pilate I expect the NHS to crucify these people for me. I mean, you can't expect me to do everything can you?"

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