The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 17 December 2011

Britain Bribes India Disguised As Aid.


Despite having more billionaires than Britain, India is to continue receiving aid from Britain. While India has an aid programme of its own, its billionaires pay no tax and Britian is, therefore, subsidizing an Indian elite with taxpayers money. We asked International Development Minister Andrew Mitchell why; "Its the only way we can guarantee exports to India. Bribing corrupt Indian businessmen is a growth industry. But we also give money to the Indian poor so they don't have to and hope that they'll be so grateful they'll throw a few orders our way. What with selling off our industry to them and employing thousands of their workers in call centres, we feel that we're doing a wonderful job in securing the economic future of India. Some people have suggested that we should be doing the same in Britain, but we decided against this because that would remove one of our most powerful weapons against the British electorate - the fear of unemployment. So its a win/win situation - as long as you're not actually a British worker and taxpayer. Disgusting I know, but we are Tories after all."

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