The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday 26 November 2011

Osborne Wrecked On The Shores Of Plan A.


Visitors to Downing Street have recently reported a strong smell of burning rubber eminating from No.11 as George Osborne, leader of the "thick as a brick" tendency in the Tory party, executes one of the loudest u-turns in British political history. The OECD, finally noticing what anyone could have told them for free, has issued a warning that the British economy will go into recession next year. Plan A has not only failed, as anyone who knows even the rudiments of economics could have predicted, it has failed so spectacularly that it threatens the very stability of the nation. Not only has Osborne chosen the wrong strategy, if that's what it can be called, he has also managed to pull all the wrong levers, such as handing the banks billions of pounds in "quantative easing," as he has managed to sink the country with all hands. We asked Mr.Osborne for his comments; "Economics was never my strong suite to be honest. At university my area of interest was in the history of shoelaces and how to tie them. Since then I've only read two books on economics - Margaret Thatcher's "Economics Through Wishful Thinking" and Ronald and Nancy Reagan's "Economics And Astrology." I have modelled my economic policy on Hitler's very successful scorched earth defence of Germany in 1945 and simply don't understand why it hasn't worked. It seems that no matter how many poor people I sacrifice nothing seems to change. So I've reluctantly come to the conclusion that I must deploy Plan A+1 - which is exactly the same as Plan A but with added spite."

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