The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 30 November 2011

Osborne: "I'm Not Picking A Fight With Anyone."


George Osborne, having outlined his plans to punish working people for not being rich enough to say "no," has told the BBC that he's not picking a fight with anyone. We asked him what he means; "Like most bullies I'm not looking for a fight - I'm looking for people to roll over and play dead for me. Unlike the banks, where obscene pay awards and unwarrented bonuses are key to attracting the "right" people, the public sector only attracts the best people if they have low wages, crap pensions and awful working conditions. It's a matter of class - bankers are the better sort of people whereas public sector workers are riffraff. I see my job as leading a crusade against the unions who simply won't accept the premise that their members should pay for the recession that people like me have caused. Strikes won't get them anywhere because the only sector I care about is offshore banking and I will happily see the country in ruins to protect my money. Nor will these strikes change anything - I am not open to argument and will enter negotiations only if the unions agree to all my demands in advance."

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