The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday 14 November 2011

George Osborne: "Anything I Don't Like Or Agree With Harms The Economy."


George Osborne has warned Scotland that talk of a referendum over independence is "harming the economy." We asked the Minister For Making Poor Pay For The Recession for his comments; "I have found since taking power that almost everything causes harm to the economy. Europe, the Royal Wedding, the riots, the St.Paul's Protest, snow earlier in the year and the Indian summer this September and October all harmed the economy. More importantly, however, is my discovery that the unions, employment law, the minimum wage, the 50p tax rate for higher earners, paying benefits and disagreeing with me all harm the economy. The list is almost endless. The only things that don't harm the economy are bankers bonuses, executive wage increases and taxing the poor. For Britain to recover the rich will have to get richer - there's just no alternative."

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