Italy's handsome and debonair President, Silvio Berlusconi, has been detected at Cern travelling faster than light as he heads for hills. "We we're amazed," Professor Brian Cox told "The News In Shorts." "Neutrinos travelling faster than light are one thing but a leading Italian politician - that's left us scratching our heads I can tell you." We asked an Italian parliamentary spokesperson for an explaination; "Its the latest news about the interest rates our country now has to pay on its debts. Poor Silvio took one look and took off like a rocket, clutching a photograph of Mussolini and muttering to himself "I hope they only hang me up by my ankles." Fortunately for us most of our debt is actually owned by Italians - fine upstanding citizen organizations like the "Camora" and "Mafia Mothers Against Paying Tax." He was particulalry worried by rumours that "Occupy Rome" had seized possession of the Colosseum and was threatening to feed bankers and politicians to the lions."
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