The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 12 October 2011

Atos Healthcare In Brethtaking Hypocrisy.

In an act of breathtaking hypocrisy Atos Healthcare, responsible for throwing over a hundred thousand people off disability benefits in Britain, is to sponsor the Paralympics. Atos, who have cost the British taxpayer £30 million per year, were responsible for taking 150,000 off disability benefits only to have their findings overturned in British courts. In response to this development disabled campaigners have called for a complete boycott of the games. We asked an Olympic spokesperson for their reaction; "It's all most unfortunate. Atos have been a pillar of the Paralympic movement inasmuch as they've grabbed whatever publicity supporting us can provide. We are somewhat concerned, however, that they have found that most of the competitors should be in the normal Olympics and are not disabled enough to take part in the Paralympics. Apparently Paralympic competitors should only take part if they are totally paralysed from the neck down. We hadn't realised that and will be reviewing our selection procedures." We asked a spokesperson from Atos for their comments; "There are a lot of freeloaders out there - people with no legs claiming they can't be dance instructors and the like. But we are proud to get publicity out of the Paralympics and urge campaigners not to boycott the games - which will cost the Olympic Committe a lot of dosh and make us very unpopular."

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