Tory MP in Panic-Stricken U-Turn.

Heather Wheeler, Tory MP for South Derbyshire, has skidded to an audible halt after realising that the Bombardier scandal might lead to her losing her job. "It's one thing when some oil-stained labourer loses his job because of some murkly political stitch-up, quite another when my job is at stake," Ms.Wheeler told our reporter. "I supported David Cameron and the government when I thought no one would associate me with Bombardier but, now that they have, I have to be seen as doing something or I might lose my expense account." Asked what she might now actually do to help her constituents and Bombardier, the MP replied. "Well nothing really, but that's not the point is it? My job is to look as if I'm important, con people into believing that the Tory party gives a monkey's trunk about them and fill in my expense form as creatively as possible. Oh, and support my local charity - the Lloyds TSB Fund for Distressed Fatcats."