The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday 15 September 2011

Tories Plan to Poison the Whole Nation.

In a move disguised as "saving waste" the Tories are to abolish "sell-by dates" thereby allowing the food industry carte blanche in putting whatever they want on supermarket shelves. "Its a wonderful plan," the Minister for Poisoning the Electorate told us. "People won't have a clue as to how old the food is and will still throw it away by the truckload just to be on the safe side, while the food industry will be able to unload a mountain of six-year old chickens and whatnot. It took us some time to come up with this one. I mean, we want people to spend so why would we care about waste? By aboloshing sell-by dates we get the best of both worlds. And by aboloshing the NHS anyone who gets serious food poisoning will be dead before they get to complain. It's bloody perfect."

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