Tories Getting Ready To Blame Good Weather For Economic Downturn.

Excitement was growing today at Tory Hedaquarters as the weather continues to be unseasonably good. "This is bloody marvelous," an unnamed Tory insider told us today. "We've had the "cold weather excuse" and the "royal wedding excuse" now we've been gifted with "the good weather excuse." I love the weather in this country, it gives us almost unbounded scope for ridiculous excuses for our complete incompetence as far as the economy is concerned." Asked the explain how "good weather" excuses poor economic performance George Osborne, rumoured to be Chancellor of the Exchequer, told us; "Well, it's obvious isn't it? Think about all those clothes shops filled to bursting with winter fashion and along comes an Indian summer. Britain's economy is almost entirely dependent on the fashion industry so it speaks for itself doesn't it?" We asked if such loses wouldn't be offset by gains in the tourist industry. "To a certain extent," Ozzie told us, "but it won't be enough. The tourist industry has been badly hit by the terrible summer we've just had and, as you know, the British economy is almost entirely dependent on the tourist industry." We asked him about the Royal Wedding. "It was a terrible wedding - nowhere near as good as Princess Diana's wedding. And, as you know, the British economy is almost entirely dependent on the Royal Wedding industry."