The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday 21 September 2011

Tories Decide to Frighten Terminally Ill People.

In an attempt to demonstrate to the nation that they are on the ball, the Tories have sent letters to the terminally ill telling them their money will be stopped before they die even though the necessary legislation has yet to be passed. "People have accused us of frightening the terminally ill," Ian Duncan Smith said today, "but let's face it they probably can't get any more frightened than they already are. And, anyway, what would the terminally ill want money for? It's not as if they can just get up and go on holiday is it? This measure will save millions in taxpayers money which can be channeled into more productive avenues such as MP's expenses and banker's bonuses. Unfortunately our plans to bury the terminally ill before they die will have to wait until we've gotten rid of that human right's rubbish." Asked for his comments Nick Clegg, Deputy Tea Boy, told our reporter; "Let me explain our support for human rights in words of one syllable - They Will Stay 'Till The Tor Ries Get Rid Of Them. I know that until and Tories are actually two syllable words but no one's listening to me in any case - least of all the voters."

No comments:

Post a Comment