Nottinghamshire Councils Sells Old People.

In a further demonstration in creative accountancy Nottinghamshire Council has flogged several care homes for a fraction of their real value. "By selling six care homes for £1.9 million to Runwood Homes we will "save" millions of tax payers money," a spokesperson for the Council said, "with the added benefit of off loading a few hundred wrinklies that no body wants anymore. Now admitedly it also means that we'll have to pay Runwood more money to run these homes than we paid before, but that has several advantages. The chief one being that I own shares in the company and they've promised to "donate" to the local Tory party." Opponants of the scheme, which includes all the residents in the homes and their relatives plus everyone in Nottinghamshire with a shred of conscience left, said; "The only way that Runwood can make a profit out of all this is by dropping standards of care and cutting staff numbers." Runwood Homes were unavailable for comment but an unnamed whistleblower told "The News in Shorts"; "Runwood is one of the largest employers in Eastern Europe and plans to fill the homes with staff earning 2p per hour housed in caravans on a compound surrounded by barbed wire - and they're the lucky ones. Residents of the homes can look forward to spending 24 hours a day in bed drugged up to the eyeballs with their private parts linked directly to the sewer system."