Minister Lies to Parliament.

In a Tory tour-de-force yesterday Chris Grayling, the Minister in charge of lying about unemployment figures told the house; "Unemployment remains lower than it was six months ago but clearly we must continue to focus our efforts on supporting business growth and ensure that people who do lose their jobs have the best possible support to get back into employment." This despite the fact that unemployment has actually risen by 2 million, efforts to support business actually means taxing rich people less and support for the unemployed consists of closing down jobcentres. "I must say," David Cameron told us beaming with pride, "that as a piece of outright lying it was second to none. I wished I was half as good." Eric Pickles, Minister for Counting the Bribes From Property Developers, was even more fulsome in his praise. "Bloody marvelous. If I could tell such outright porkies with a straight face people would believe I'm a male catalogue model." Ed Milliband was unavailable for comment as he had an appointment for a behind-the-bike-sheds punch up with trade unionists. However Ed Balls was willing to make a statement. "You have to hand it to them, the Tories are really, really good at lying to everyone and Chris Grayling has certainly come out of shell since he and his party seized power last year. Unemployment lower than last year? You have to have chutzpah to say things like that and look as if you believe it yourself."