The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday 13 September 2011

James Murdoch Invited to Tell More Lies to MP's

Following his sell out tour of comedy workshops in London, James Murdoch has been invited back for a new gig at Westminster. "He was so entertaining last time," one MP told us, "we decided to book him again for our annual works party. His straight-faced delivery is absolutely hilarious. Unfortunately his father, the straight man of the act, is unavailable, but I'm sure James will be just as good on his own." Asked for his opinion John Cleese told "The News in Shorts"; "Personally I don't rate him. His delivery is good but I find his material a bit old hat. I'm glad to see his father won't be sharing the stage this time. He's well past his prime and ceased to be funny several years ago." The "Big Y'n," Billy Connerly was less impressed if anything. "Just sitting there telling lies and pretending you don't know anything about your own business isn't funny if you ask me. He could try and enliven it up a bit by swearing now and then, but I think he's had his day. That red-headed bint he had with him last time might make a comeback if she can get hold of the right material but she'll have to work on her timing - it was a bit off last time around." Andy Coulson, winner of last year's "Tory Scumbag of the Year Award" and runner-up in the "Btitain's Got Talent" competition told our reporter; "I'm trying to promote my career as a straight actor at the moment and want to leave the comedy circuit alone for a while. Anyway I've got a tentative offer for a long-running engagement at Wormwood Scrubs to think about." David Cameron, asked to comment on his former protege's stalling career, said; "Andy's last performance was a bit disappointing to be honest and we have no plans to book him again. Everyone deserves a second chance but his material will have to improve a lot before we see him at the Tory Conference again."

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