Interested in Squirrels? - Me Neither.

Today has continued the trend for slow newsdays with the BBC finding time for such stories as a struggle for survival amongst red squirrels in Dorset. Rivetting stuff if you happen to have a thing for squirrels - or Dorset. Sport featured quite highly with Sir Alex Ferguson complaining that he should be in charge of football in the country and the British Horse Racing Authority concluding that beating a horse with a stick isn't cruel. The main story centred on the redundancies at BAE where 3,000 workers are to be put out of work in Lancashire in order for the company to remain "competative," presumably by exporting the jobs abroad somewhere. The local Tory MP, David Davies, was aghast, thought the rest of the party seemed largely indifferent. Meanwhile there was better news for the Tories in a poll commissioned by the "Independent" which gave them a 1% lead over Labour. "I can't bloody believe it!" David Cameron told "The News in Shorts," "It seems the worse you treat voters in this country the more they vote for you. The whole world is teetering on the brink of economic meltdown because of policies that we pioneered and British voters seem to want more of it!" Ed Milliband, widely believed to be the cause of Labour's inability to topple the Tories, told us; "I can't bloody believe it! We did as that nice woman, Mrs. Thatcher, told us and we were thrown out of power. David Cameron pauperises the whole bleeding country and his support goes up!" We await his speech at the Labour Conference with bated breath.