Government in Negotiations With "Frankenstein" Company.

The government is in the midst of negotiations with Netcare - a company already fined in South Africa because of its illegal trade in children's organs - to administer transplant operations in the NHS. A spokesperson for Netcare told our reporter; "These accusations against us in South Africa have little foundation in truth. The children who selflessly donated their organs for wealthy adults were all above the age of consent in South Africa which I think is three. Anyway we had the permission of their parents who seemed quite eager to get the £5 we offered them to feed their other kids for a week." Meanwhile a government spokesperson told us; "You really shouldn't believe everything you read in the newspapers. Yes, we are in negotiations with Netcare and yes, they were fined in South Africa for the illegal trade in children's organs - but people shouldn't be overly alarmed by such scare stories. The main thing is that they are very successful bunch of bloodsuckers who make lots and lots of money for their shareholders and that's exactly what the NHS and this country in general needs right now." Asked for his opinion Nick Clegg said; "Trading in children's organs for obscene profits has long been a central principle in liberal thought. I see no problem with it." George Osbourne, asked about government plans to make working class children carry donor cards at all times, said; "We should all carry donor cards. Making working class kids from council housing estates do so is only prudent. Some of them can't read you know and they might miss this valuable opportunity to do something good for their social superiors. Middle class kids, on the other hand, already have an inate understanding of what's right and wrong so we don't have to force them to do the right thing."