Gas Found in T'North.

Vast reserves of shale gas have been found in Lancashire it emerged today. "This will certainly guarantee gas supplies well into the century," an unnamed utility spokesman told our reporter, "and will lead to a vast increase in prices if we play our cards right." Asked to explain this seeming paradox the spokesman said; "In a modern capitalist state supply and demand no longer apply and the system is driven entirely by charging outrageous prices to people who's wages have been driven to the lowest level possible. This has the valuable effect of putting money where it belongs - into the hands of people like me." Meanwhile, in a new development, a tent city of protesters opposed to the 21st century has spontaneoulsy appeared around the site. "We thoroughly disaprove of this gas field," a protester known as "The Duck Man" told our reporter. "What this country needs is not more energy supplies but a return to a hunter-gatherer society in which free men can hunt mammoth across the tundra. We should be getting ready for the next Ice Age not by laying in further gas supplies but by importing quick evolving elephants." A government press release stated; "This is good news for Britain - especially those with shares in the gas industry - and the Prime Minister is looking forward to telling the Russians where they can shove their pipeline."