The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday 15 September 2011

Five Central Banks Hand Over Our Tax Money - Again.

In an effort to stave off yet another banking crisis caused by the banks, the five central banks of Britain, France, Germany, Switzerland and Japan have handed over billions of tax payers money to ease their liquidity problems. "We certainly learned our lesson the last time," a spokesman from a high street bank told our reporter. "All we have to do is plead poverty, threaten to bring down the entire financial system and governments throw money at us. It's bloody marvelous and, whats more, we can even avoid paying tax ourselves." A spokesman for the European Union admitted; "OK, the banks have stolen billions from our taxpayers yet again but you have to look on the bright side - rich people remain relatively safe and Greece will able to stay in the Euro and save the reputations of several European politicians. It's hard to imagine what would happen if the rich had to share in the pain that the rest have to endure or what might happen if politicians were embarassed. It would be the end of civilization as we know it." In America the Federal Reserve issued a statement; "Thank God European's don't have democratic institutions like we've got otherwise nothing would ever get done. It's a shame that its the European and Japanese electorate that get done, but it's at least better than trying to prize tax money out of an American's cold dead hand."

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