Clegg Outlines New Promises He Hopes To Break

In a spirited defence of his policies in coalition in Birmingham today Nick Clegg has made a whole new set of promises he doesn't intend to keep. "I found reneging on LibDem promises about student fees gut wrenching," he told the party faithful,"but not as gut wrenching as losing my job as Deputy Prime Minister. Despite this our party has been able to rein in many Tory policies such as reducing benefits, throwing everyone out of work and destroying the NHS. Imagine what they would have done if we hadn't been there to stop them. We should be proud that, when the national interest was at stake, we stepped in and sold the country out on our terms. Now we can present the country with new pledges we have no intention of keeping on the economy, on jobs, on education and the NHS. George Osborne has found £5 billion he'd forgot about and it's our job to persuade him to spend it on things important to the country. Things like more capital investment in the railways so we can have even more trains no one can afford to use and new summer schools to keep the next generation of rioters off the streets. Where Labour failed to regulate the banks we have merely neglected to do so. Where Labour failed to clean up Westminster we have let offenders off early and successfully hidden what we've been up to. It's a new beginning for the LibDems and it's up to us to sell this crap to the electorate."