The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday 23 September 2011

Cameron's Big Society Triumph.

When David Cameron launched his "Big Society," naysayers said it was just words - a rip off of President Lyndon Johnson's "Great Society" in the 1960's. New figures reveal that they were dead right as volunteering falls to levels not seen since 2001. "I don't accept this," the part-time Prime Minister told our reporter. "I believe my policy initiative has been a resounding success. The actual numbers of people volunteering might have fallen but the quality is much better. During the Labour years you had all sorts of unsuitable people volunteering, now we only have the best sort of people doing it." In a related story it has emerged that the Tory "National Citizen Service" has also bombed as a quarter of places on the scheme remain vacant, while youth clubs have been forced to close in droves. Nick Hurd, Minister for an Uncivil Society defended his department's record. "Our initiative is very new and very different," he told "The News in Shorts." "It might also be very much smaller than what was going on before but that simply means its more efficient and more profitable. Our latest initiative which includes smart new uniforms in black and brown will, I'm sure, make all the difference. Anyway its a well known fact that youth clubs were simply training grounds for rioters and its only right they should be shut down."

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