Banks Lead Politicians By The Nose

In a shock realisation tonight it has been revealed that the banks are greedy and selfish and politicians are really, really stupid. Having concentrated on the wrong problem - Greece - they have failed completely to notice that the banking system is actually broken beyond repair. Politicians have inflicted huge damage on their own economies to please the IMF, little more than enforcers for the banks, as the banks themselves demand that ordinary taxpayers reimburse them for the bad investments they have made. Asked for his comments George Osborne, rumoured to be the Chancellor of the Exchequer, said; "It's everyone else's fault. If other countries would only cut their own throats and beat the poor with a stick, as we have done, then everything would come right and it would be business as usual. At this rate we'll have to do some completely unacceptable things like regulating the banks and closing tax loopholes for the rich." Meanwhile David Cameron, part-time Prime Minister, said; "When I said we're all in this together I didn't mean it literally. Its completely unfair to make banks responsible for their own mistakes or to make rich people pay taxes - that's self evident isn't it?"  As the international finance markets vote with their feet and pour money into gold in the mistaken belief that people can eat it, pension funds and investment products have nose-dived. As one economic expert told "The News in Shorts", "It's time to run for the hills - we're f***ed!"